1
00:00:28,660 --> 00:00:31,390
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen,

2
00:00:31,430 --> 00:00:35,430
and welcome to
Alfred Hitchcock Presents.

3
00:00:35,460 --> 00:00:39,900
I should explain.
I came down with a cold.

4
00:00:39,930 --> 00:00:43,410
The broken leg
was a later development.

5
00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:47,840
These nurses can become
quite forceful at times.

6
00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:52,310
The National Safety Council
has asked that I remind you

7
00:00:52,350 --> 00:00:56,050
that most accidents
occur in the home.

8
00:00:56,080 --> 00:01:00,390
Therefore, this might be
a very good place to avoid.

9
00:01:00,420 --> 00:01:04,160
If you must be there,
now would be an excellent time

10
00:01:04,190 --> 00:01:08,230
to check for those items
that may be lying around

11
00:01:08,260 --> 00:01:11,370
and waiting
to produce accidents.

12
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:14,670
Roller skates at the bottom
of the stairs,

13
00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:18,640
poorly insulated wires
near the bathtub,

14
00:01:18,670 --> 00:01:21,840
ground glass in the sugar bowl,

15
00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:24,150
arsenic in the coffee.

16
00:01:24,180 --> 00:01:27,220
Little things which,
if you don’t find,

17
00:01:27,250 --> 00:01:30,490
you may regret
for the rest of your lives.

18
00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:32,590
So much for accidents.

19
00:01:32,620 --> 00:01:36,590
Now we come to the intentional
part of our program.

20
00:01:55,980 --> 00:01:58,250
Hey, shame on you, mister.

21
00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:01,620
Hey, you’ve got my place there.

22
00:02:01,650 --> 00:02:05,190
I come around here every day
at noon, 12 o’clock sharp.

23
00:02:05,220 --> 00:02:06,960
And I sit right there
on that log

24
00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:08,760
with my back to this piling.

25
00:02:09,890 --> 00:02:11,330
Yes.

26
00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:14,460
Matter of fact is,
I’m two minutes late now.

27
00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:16,770
[chuckles]
Can you beat that?

28
00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:20,340
I’m 93, and I haven’t been
more than two minutes late

29
00:02:20,370 --> 00:02:22,800
on any appointment
I’ve ever had.

30
00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:23,970
[chuckles]

31
00:02:24,070 --> 00:02:26,470
Well, time is a science.

32
00:02:26,510 --> 00:02:29,940
And if you make good use of it,
it’ll double your life.

33
00:02:29,980 --> 00:02:30,950
[grunts]

34
00:02:30,980 --> 00:02:32,080
Yes, sir.

35
00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:33,750
The only reason I’m late now,

36
00:02:33,780 --> 00:02:35,480
I had to find my pills.

37
00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:36,750
Uh-oh.

38
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:39,650
Yes, yes,
I’ve got them right here.

39
00:02:39,690 --> 00:02:42,220
[sighs]

40
00:02:42,260 --> 00:02:43,630
You ever take these?

41
00:02:43,660 --> 00:02:45,290
No, I’ve never have.

42
00:02:45,330 --> 00:02:47,000
Greatest little
old pill in the world.

43
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:50,670
Something new,
they call it "Think-Ease."

44
00:02:50,700 --> 00:02:52,470
Well, here goes!

45
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:55,870
Yeah! Yes, sir.

46
00:02:55,900 --> 00:02:57,840
It’s a great life
if you don’t weaken.

47
00:02:57,870 --> 00:02:59,810
[laughs]

48
00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:01,610
Better get your line
in the water,
there’s a big one right there.

49
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:03,580
-Huh? Where?
-Right there!

50
00:03:03,610 --> 00:03:04,850
Well, I don’t see it.

51
00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,050
-It’s going under the pier!
-Huh?

52
00:03:06,050 --> 00:03:07,150
Under the pier?

53
00:03:07,180 --> 00:03:08,680
-Now you see him?
-[old man] No.

54
00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:10,050
You will!

55
00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:34,710
Mr. Treadwell, please,
Mr. Bunce calls.

56
00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:38,750
[recorder]
This is a recording.

57
00:03:38,780 --> 00:03:40,450
Recent scientific discoveries

58
00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:43,180
prove that speech
is the most common carrier

59
00:03:43,220 --> 00:03:44,620
of the common cold.

60
00:03:44,650 --> 00:03:46,920
Therefore, in the interest
of public health,

61
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,320
we, in this office,

62
00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:52,130
are doing all we can
to eliminate speech.

63
00:03:54,900 --> 00:03:56,800
Well, I do have to say
a little something.

64
00:04:00,300 --> 00:04:02,700
[recorder] Turn to your right,
please, and state your business

65
00:04:02,740 --> 00:04:04,410
directly to the telecom,

66
00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:09,040
holding up any identification
you have simultaneously.

67
00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:11,480
State your business, please,
to the telecom.

68
00:04:11,510 --> 00:04:12,680
Time is pressing.

69
00:04:12,710 --> 00:04:14,050
Well, uh...

70
00:04:14,050 --> 00:04:16,450
I’m JJ Bunce.
I’m here to see Mr. Treadwell.

71
00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:19,250
Uh, I do have a card
in here somewhere. Uh...

72
00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:22,060
I’m from the SEG.

73
00:04:24,860 --> 00:04:26,190
[recorder]
State your business, please,

74
00:04:26,230 --> 00:04:29,160
you have not stated
your business clearly.

75
00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:31,200
I’m JJ Bunce from the SEG,

76
00:04:31,230 --> 00:04:33,700
here to see Mr. Treadwell,
and I do have a card.

77
00:04:39,710 --> 00:04:42,710
[recorder] You have not stated
your business clearly.

78
00:04:42,740 --> 00:04:44,450
Look, will you just let me
see the guy?

79
00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:45,780
It’s a personal matter.

80
00:04:45,810 --> 00:04:48,120
In fact, you might say
it’s real intimate.

81
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:52,590
[recorder] You have stated
your business clearly.

82
00:04:52,620 --> 00:04:55,960
Go through the double doors
to the first door on your left.

83
00:04:55,990 --> 00:04:58,960
It’s about time.

84
00:04:58,990 --> 00:05:00,560
[recorder] We try
to not give you a disease.

85
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:02,600
Why should you give us one?

86
00:05:13,910 --> 00:05:16,810
Walk right in.
You are welcome.

87
00:05:20,450 --> 00:05:22,580
-Mr. Treadwell.
-Mr. Bunce.

88
00:05:22,620 --> 00:05:24,450
Oh, I’m sorry
I can’t shake hands with you.

89
00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:26,250
One of the rules of the firm.

90
00:05:26,290 --> 00:05:28,120
We made a number of surveys,
and we found

91
00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:30,790
where there is human contact
there is contamination.

92
00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:32,630
Now...

93
00:05:32,660 --> 00:05:34,830
What is this intimate matter?

94
00:05:34,860 --> 00:05:38,200
Bunce. Society
for Experimental Gerontology.

95
00:05:38,230 --> 00:05:41,570
-[Treadwell] Oh?
-You’ve heard of it?

96
00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:43,740
No.

97
00:05:43,770 --> 00:05:45,570
Mr. Treadwell,
if you’re having this taped,

98
00:05:45,610 --> 00:05:47,380
I’d advise you to cut it off.

99
00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:53,920
Sit down, Mr. Bunce.

100
00:05:58,490 --> 00:06:00,020
I’d like to give you
a rough idea

101
00:06:00,020 --> 00:06:01,290
of the work we’re doing.

102
00:06:05,690 --> 00:06:08,630
"Society for Experimental
Gerontology."

103
00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:10,670
You’re collecting money
for a hospital, Mr. Bunce?

104
00:06:10,700 --> 00:06:12,170
Please, Mr. Treadwell,

105
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,740
don’t confuse Gerontology
with geriatrics.

106
00:06:14,770 --> 00:06:16,070
Oh?

107
00:06:16,100 --> 00:06:18,810
Well, both words have
the same Greek root,

108
00:06:18,840 --> 00:06:20,780
"geras," meaning "old,"

109
00:06:20,810 --> 00:06:24,510
whereas geriatrics deals
with diseases of the age,

110
00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:27,220
Gerontology deals with
the social problems

111
00:06:27,250 --> 00:06:29,450
arising out of age.

112
00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:31,550
Especially extreme age.

113
00:06:31,590 --> 00:06:32,890
And I may add, sir,

114
00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:34,920
that the SEG
is the most consecrated,

115
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:37,960
the most dedicated organization
that I know of.

116
00:06:38,060 --> 00:06:40,400
You seem to be something
of a crusader, Mr. Bunce.

117
00:06:40,430 --> 00:06:41,860
Sir, our outfit is the only one

118
00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:43,530
that is facing up
to the situation,

119
00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:46,840
the most tragic situation
facing our modern society.

120
00:06:46,870 --> 00:06:48,470
Well, if you let me speak
to my secretary,

121
00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:50,070
I’ll have her make you out
a check.

122
00:06:50,070 --> 00:06:53,110
We’re not after money,
Mr. Treadwell.

123
00:06:53,140 --> 00:06:54,640
No?

124
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:56,780
Our outfit believes
in helping you first.

125
00:06:56,810 --> 00:06:58,310
Helping me?

126
00:06:58,350 --> 00:07:00,320
Then, if you agree
that you have been helped,

127
00:07:00,350 --> 00:07:02,350
then you pay the fee.

128
00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:05,090
Mr. Bunce, I’m in my 50s.

129
00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:06,490
The way people are living today,

130
00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:09,120
I really don’t see
how can you help me.

131
00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:10,860
Mr. Treadwell,
I have been studying your case

132
00:07:10,890 --> 00:07:12,530
for several months.

133
00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:15,030
Believe you me,
you are a serious case.

134
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:16,430
I’ve never been a serious case

135
00:07:16,460 --> 00:07:18,630
of anything in my life,
Mr. Bunce.

136
00:07:23,370 --> 00:07:24,710
John Treadwell,
college graduate,

137
00:07:24,740 --> 00:07:26,410
lives in the Elysian Fields
in Jersey,

138
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,180
likes sailing,
owns his own home,

139
00:07:28,210 --> 00:07:30,880
nine years of mortgage payments
due, refrigerator paid for,

140
00:07:30,910 --> 00:07:32,380
pool’s not paid for,

141
00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:34,050
mother-in-law’s face lifting
not yet paid for.

142
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:35,050
Where did you get this?

143
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:36,220
Late model car,

144
00:07:36,250 --> 00:07:37,790
18 monthly payments
yet to be made,

145
00:07:37,820 --> 00:07:40,160
children’s education
not yet paid for.

146
00:07:40,190 --> 00:07:42,720
Otherwise happily married
for 27 years,

147
00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:44,360
two teenage children,

148
00:07:44,390 --> 00:07:46,800
one older son
and a daughter-in-law.
Any errors, Mr. Treadwell?

149
00:07:46,830 --> 00:07:48,200
Mr. Bunce, I have
a great deal to do.

150
00:07:48,230 --> 00:07:50,800
You missed the last paragraph,
Mr. Treadwell.

151
00:07:52,230 --> 00:07:54,100
It deals
with your mother-in-law,

152
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,570
aged 82.

153
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,170
What about her?

154
00:07:57,210 --> 00:08:00,180
She is your problem,
Mr. Treadwell.

155
00:08:00,210 --> 00:08:02,410
When your son married
and moved out,
she moved in.

156
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,550
She lives with you
day and night.

157
00:08:04,580 --> 00:08:06,580
And she’s driving you mad.

158
00:08:10,820 --> 00:08:12,590
Mr. Bunce.

159
00:08:14,090 --> 00:08:16,160
Mr. Treadwell.

160
00:08:16,190 --> 00:08:18,730
According to the latest
gerological statistic tables,

161
00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:21,760
your mother-in-law should live,
barring accident,

162
00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:26,100
another 32 years,

163
00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:27,440
nine months,

164
00:08:27,470 --> 00:08:29,070
six days.

165
00:08:29,100 --> 00:08:32,170
32 years, nine months
and six days?

166
00:08:32,210 --> 00:08:34,140
Oh, I beg your pardon,
seven days.

167
00:08:35,540 --> 00:08:38,310
That is, of course,
barring accident.

168
00:08:38,350 --> 00:08:40,250
What do you mean?

169
00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:42,680
An old lady might climb up
a step ladder,

170
00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:46,120
she might, uh,
slip in the bathtub,

171
00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:48,390
tumble off a pier.

172
00:08:49,790 --> 00:08:51,230
I always say, Mr. Treadwell,

173
00:08:51,260 --> 00:08:52,830
that recognizing
that we have a problem

174
00:08:52,860 --> 00:08:55,330
is the first step
towards solution.

175
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,300
Now, when you want action,
just let me know.

176
00:08:58,330 --> 00:09:00,000
Mr. Bunce,

177
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,440
I will not pretend that I’m
in love with my mother-in-law,

178
00:09:02,470 --> 00:09:04,540
but if you’re suggesting
that I have her done away with,

179
00:09:04,570 --> 00:09:07,140
that is the most fiendish
thing I’ve ever heard of.

180
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:09,210
I’m a man of principle!

181
00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:11,810
A religious man!

182
00:09:11,850 --> 00:09:14,020
I’m sorry you got personal,
Mr. Treadwell,

183
00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:17,020
-I was hoping to keep this--
-Get out.

184
00:09:19,890 --> 00:09:22,560
My card’s on your desk,
Mr. Treadwell.

185
00:09:25,830 --> 00:09:27,700
I’ll be expecting your call.

186
00:09:39,110 --> 00:09:40,680
We thank Thee
for our many privileges,

187
00:09:40,710 --> 00:09:42,440
we thank Thee
for the comfort of our home.

188
00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:44,250
[loud banging]

189
00:09:51,150 --> 00:09:53,290
For the comfort of our home,

190
00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:55,220
we thank Thee
for the nourishment of our food,

191
00:09:55,260 --> 00:09:56,760
we thank Thee for one another.

192
00:09:56,790 --> 00:09:59,130
[loud banging]

193
00:10:02,030 --> 00:10:04,630
Lord, grant us patience
in times of tribulation,

194
00:10:04,670 --> 00:10:05,770
grant us strength...

195
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:07,540
[loud banging]

196
00:10:10,910 --> 00:10:12,340
Yes, Mother?

197
00:10:12,370 --> 00:10:15,410
[mother] Who the heck
turned off my intercom?

198
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:16,580
We turned it off, Mother,

199
00:10:16,610 --> 00:10:18,380
because we were
just saying grace.

200
00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:20,120
[mother]
My TV set’s busted.

201
00:10:20,150 --> 00:10:22,380
I want you to come up here
and fix it.

202
00:10:22,420 --> 00:10:24,690
Now!

203
00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,150
Mother, he can’t come now,

204
00:10:26,190 --> 00:10:27,890
we’re right in the middle
of grace.

205
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:31,990
[mother] Why did he have to
buy me such a cheap set, then?

206
00:10:32,030 --> 00:10:35,030
I will come, Mother,
as soon as we finish grace.

207
00:10:35,060 --> 00:10:38,570
[mother] Hurry up or I’ll miss
the Roller Derby!

208
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:44,740
Our Father, who art in space...

209
00:10:44,770 --> 00:10:46,740
[loud banging]

210
00:10:48,340 --> 00:10:49,780
If you’ll excuse me, dear,

211
00:10:49,810 --> 00:10:52,580
I think I’d better fix
the television set.

212
00:10:55,950 --> 00:10:59,420
Never mind, I’ll serve.

213
00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:01,260
You know what I’d do?
I’d get rid of her.

214
00:11:01,290 --> 00:11:04,230
-I’d just get rid of her!
-Shh, darling.

215
00:11:04,260 --> 00:11:06,330
We all get old sometime.

216
00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:08,460
[loud banging]

217
00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:24,680
Children, it’s getting late.

218
00:11:24,710 --> 00:11:26,350
You should get to bed.

219
00:11:26,380 --> 00:11:29,080
I gotta finish this,
it’s my project.

220
00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,120
Boy, people are stupid.

221
00:11:31,150 --> 00:11:32,290
Stupider than you?

222
00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:33,760
Look at this crate!

223
00:11:33,790 --> 00:11:35,490
Twenty years ago they thought
it was the greatest.

224
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:37,290
I’m trying to write.

225
00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:40,300
Can you imagine
taking four and a half hours
across the country?

226
00:11:40,330 --> 00:11:41,700
How slow can you get?

227
00:11:41,730 --> 00:11:43,570
I said I’m trying to write.

228
00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:45,000
[son]
Oh, shut up.

229
00:11:45,100 --> 00:11:47,400
[exhales]

230
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:51,340
[humming]

231
00:11:51,370 --> 00:11:52,870
Darling.

232
00:11:54,410 --> 00:11:55,940
Would you mind very much
not humming?

233
00:11:55,980 --> 00:11:58,880
Yes, of course.
I’m sorry.

234
00:11:58,910 --> 00:12:01,420
What’s that you’re looking at?

235
00:12:01,450 --> 00:12:04,520
It’s a graph
of the population growth

236
00:12:04,550 --> 00:12:07,220
according to increased age.

237
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,360
Rather astounding.

238
00:12:09,390 --> 00:12:13,630
Darling, is anything the matter?
You seem so sad.

239
00:12:13,660 --> 00:12:15,230
Just thinking.

240
00:12:18,770 --> 00:12:22,370
If you’ll excuse me, dear,
I believe I’ll turn in.

241
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:23,810
Dad, if you’re worried
about something,

242
00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:26,640
why don’t you take a Think-Ease?

243
00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:29,140
I don’t need a Think-Ease, dear,
I need to think hard.

244
00:12:29,180 --> 00:12:30,950
And would you mind turning off
that music?

245
00:12:30,980 --> 00:12:32,380
But Daddy, it’s soothing.

246
00:12:32,410 --> 00:12:34,980
-Yeah, Dad, don’t you know--
-I said turn it off!

247
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:36,850
But John...

248
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:40,220
The world needs silence.
Silence.

249
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,960
Like the outside of space.

250
00:12:41,990 --> 00:12:44,530
Just imagine how quiet
it must be

251
00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:46,930
beyond the last star, hmm?

252
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:48,300
All right.

253
00:12:48,330 --> 00:12:49,930
I say let us live
in that silence,

254
00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:51,400
and no music,

255
00:12:51,430 --> 00:12:53,940
and start thinking
about the meaning of life.

256
00:12:53,970 --> 00:12:55,470
Yes, and the meaning of death
too,

257
00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:57,670
because death has a meaning.

258
00:12:58,870 --> 00:13:02,310
And believe you me,
it has a function.

259
00:13:07,580 --> 00:13:09,280
Boy, did he goof off.

260
00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,050
Maybe he’s fallen in love
or something.

261
00:13:11,050 --> 00:13:12,620
Just be quiet,
will you?

262
00:13:12,650 --> 00:13:14,120
Well, remember three years ago?

263
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,390
When he went off skiing
with his secretary?

264
00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:17,860
He got mad then too.

265
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:24,300
[marching band music]

266
00:13:33,340 --> 00:13:34,610
[music stops]

267
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:36,980
Why the heck did you do that?

268
00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:39,110
It’s too loud, Mother.

269
00:13:39,150 --> 00:13:41,820
You won’t be able to get away
with this for very long, son.

270
00:13:41,850 --> 00:13:44,190
Just as soon as my leg’s mended

271
00:13:44,220 --> 00:13:45,390
I’m going to be up and about.

272
00:13:45,420 --> 00:13:46,890
Mother.

273
00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:49,690
My, but you’re getting a paunch.

274
00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:51,360
[chuckles]

275
00:13:51,390 --> 00:13:53,800
I’ve been sitting
in this chair for eight weeks

276
00:13:53,830 --> 00:13:56,100
and I look better than you do.

277
00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:58,730
Mother, the noise
is not good for you.

278
00:13:58,770 --> 00:14:00,470
Don’t you worry.

279
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:02,940
I’m going to live
to be well over hundred,

280
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:04,740
no thanks to you.

281
00:14:04,770 --> 00:14:06,340
Fine.

282
00:14:06,370 --> 00:14:09,510
But would you just manage to be
a little more quiet about it?

283
00:14:09,540 --> 00:14:12,050
Who wants to be quiet?

284
00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:16,380
You’ll be quiet a long time
in your grave.

285
00:14:16,420 --> 00:14:19,390
Oh, you young people.
You don’t know how to live.

286
00:14:19,420 --> 00:14:23,360
You’re too solemn.
You, you don’t enjoy life.

287
00:14:25,130 --> 00:14:28,100
Did you do your setting-up
exercises this morning?

288
00:14:28,130 --> 00:14:29,930
No, I did not.

289
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:34,100
Hah, you look
like a rumpled pillow.

290
00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:37,270
You know, things are not
the same as when I was a girl.

291
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:39,240
Thank goodness they’re not.

292
00:14:39,270 --> 00:14:42,080
Change, change,
that’s the great thing,

293
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,080
that’s the secret of life.

294
00:14:45,250 --> 00:14:49,380
Used to be
we lived to be 75 or 80.

295
00:14:49,420 --> 00:14:53,150
Now the life span’s gone up
to 125,

296
00:14:53,190 --> 00:14:55,160
and no end in sight.

297
00:14:55,190 --> 00:14:56,890
[chuckles]

298
00:14:56,930 --> 00:15:00,030
So you just as well
get used to me,

299
00:15:00,060 --> 00:15:03,300
and stop turning off
my intercom!

300
00:15:12,340 --> 00:15:14,810
[loud music plays]

301
00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:26,120
[recorder]
Good morning, Mr. Treadwell.

302
00:15:26,150 --> 00:15:28,590
-We hope your work day
will be--
-Oh, shut up.

303
00:15:28,620 --> 00:15:30,890
Come in, Mr. Bunce.

304
00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:45,370
Well, Mr. Treadwell,
are you with us?

305
00:15:45,410 --> 00:15:46,570
And even if you aren’t with us,

306
00:15:46,610 --> 00:15:48,210
I trust you won’t turn
against us.

307
00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:51,180
You know, the attorney general
himself is over 80 years old.

308
00:15:51,210 --> 00:15:52,750
One report about us

309
00:15:52,780 --> 00:15:54,680
and we’re liable to end up
in the atomic energy chamber.

310
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:55,880
Don’t worry.

311
00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:01,560
Dear Mr. Treadwell,
you still seem
to have some doubts.

312
00:16:03,190 --> 00:16:05,130
My dear sir,
the tragic situation

313
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:07,500
is that by the miracles
of science,

314
00:16:07,530 --> 00:16:10,800
by sheer number,
the old have come into power,
they have the vote!

315
00:16:10,830 --> 00:16:14,540
Mr. Bunce, you don’t have
to convince me
on theoretical grounds.

316
00:16:14,570 --> 00:16:16,040
Then on what grounds?

317
00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:18,310
The point is, I detest
my mother-in-law so much,

318
00:16:18,340 --> 00:16:19,910
I have to make sure
I’m joining your movement

319
00:16:19,940 --> 00:16:23,040
out of idealism and not
through personal pleasure.

320
00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:25,710
Yes, I see what you mean.

321
00:16:30,620 --> 00:16:32,050
And have you decided?

322
00:16:32,050 --> 00:16:34,290
[Treadwell sighs]
How would you do it?

323
00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:35,920
[Bunce] Well, you’ll have to
leave that up to me.

324
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:37,630
Probably some
household accident.

325
00:16:37,660 --> 00:16:39,130
What if you bungle it?

326
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:41,300
How could I bungle it?
I know her well,
I know her habits.

327
00:16:41,330 --> 00:16:43,130
You know her?

328
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:46,840
How do you think I got
all that information about you,
Mr. Treadwell?

329
00:16:46,870 --> 00:16:48,740
I meet her in the park
every Sunday

330
00:16:48,770 --> 00:16:49,840
after you leave her there.

331
00:16:49,870 --> 00:16:51,710
No, I couldn’t possibly tell you

332
00:16:51,740 --> 00:16:53,710
how am I going to do it,
Mr. Treadwell.

333
00:16:53,740 --> 00:16:55,980
You might feel
some sense of guilt.

334
00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:08,590
Could you at least tell me
when it’s going to happen?

335
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,830
How about Sunday morning?

336
00:17:13,860 --> 00:17:16,530
You all go to church.

337
00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:19,370
And she goes to the park
because she hates the preacher.

338
00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:23,670
Yes, I rather think
Sunday morning
might be excellent!

339
00:17:25,510 --> 00:17:27,910
That is, if I have your consent.

340
00:17:35,150 --> 00:17:36,890
It’s a deal.

341
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:41,620
Speaking of deals,
Mr. Treadwell.

342
00:17:41,660 --> 00:17:42,960
What’s this?

343
00:17:43,060 --> 00:17:44,530
In signing a pledge
to our organization,

344
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,090
Mr. Treadwell,
you will be performing

345
00:17:46,130 --> 00:17:48,130
one of the most praiseworthy
acts of your life.

346
00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:49,800
"I hereby promise to...

347
00:17:49,830 --> 00:17:51,370
To pay you $2,000."

348
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:53,900
You never said anything
about money like this.

349
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:56,140
The occasion has never arisen
before, Mr. Treadwell.

350
00:17:56,170 --> 00:17:58,070
But may I point out,

351
00:17:58,070 --> 00:18:01,780
that a donation
to a charitable organization
such as ours,

352
00:18:01,810 --> 00:18:04,180
is, of course,

353
00:18:04,210 --> 00:18:05,510
tax deductible.

354
00:18:19,430 --> 00:18:22,160
Oh, where’s Daddy?
He’s going to be late
for church.

355
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:23,870
I suppose he’s still dressing.

356
00:18:23,900 --> 00:18:25,030
No, he went out.

357
00:18:25,030 --> 00:18:26,170
Oh?

358
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:27,840
Yeah, he pushed Grandma
to the park.

359
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:34,510
My, what a beautiful morning.

360
00:18:34,540 --> 00:18:36,210
Darling,
you aren’t even dressed!

361
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,410
You’ll be late for church.

362
00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:40,250
I’m not going.

363
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:42,050
You’re not going?

364
00:18:42,050 --> 00:18:43,350
Why, John,

365
00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:46,120
you haven’t missed church
in 20 years.

366
00:18:46,150 --> 00:18:47,860
Not going.

367
00:18:47,890 --> 00:18:49,920
Do you mind if I ask why?

368
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:52,260
-I’m going fishing.
-You’re what?

369
00:18:52,290 --> 00:18:53,960
Don’t look so alarmed.

370
00:18:54,060 --> 00:18:55,900
But Daddy, you’ll get arrested.

371
00:18:55,930 --> 00:18:57,700
Don’t you know
they passed a new law?

372
00:18:57,730 --> 00:18:59,530
No fishing on Sunday?

373
00:18:59,570 --> 00:19:00,600
Who passed it?

374
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:01,900
Just last week.

375
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,140
The League for Elderly Democracy
passed it.

376
00:19:04,170 --> 00:19:06,340
That’s right, and now everyone
has to go to church.

377
00:19:06,370 --> 00:19:08,010
But Grandma doesn’t go
to church.

378
00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,580
That’s because she has
a health certificate.

379
00:19:10,610 --> 00:19:12,880
If you’re old enough,
you can get a health certificate

380
00:19:12,910 --> 00:19:14,450
and you don’t have to go.

381
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:17,090
That’s why there’s no one
on the streets Sunday morning.

382
00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:19,750
Uh-huh.

383
00:19:19,790 --> 00:19:21,460
I hadn’t noticed that.

384
00:19:21,490 --> 00:19:24,490
[daughter] Well, of course not,
you’ve always been in church.

385
00:19:26,130 --> 00:19:27,760
Doesn’t matter.

386
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,500
It’s decided:
I’m going fishing.

387
00:19:29,530 --> 00:19:31,070
Really, Daddy?

388
00:19:31,100 --> 00:19:32,600
Now, don’t look so alarmed,

389
00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:35,570
you don’t have to call a lawyer
and have me committed.

390
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:38,070
I’m going to eat a big stack

391
00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:40,380
of fresh, fluffy pancakes,

392
00:19:40,410 --> 00:19:43,410
drowned in golden,
sparkling syrup.

393
00:19:45,510 --> 00:19:47,250
And then I’m going fishing.

394
00:19:49,050 --> 00:19:50,820
Well, children,

395
00:19:50,850 --> 00:19:52,690
we’ll go to church.

396
00:20:02,360 --> 00:20:04,970
It’s called
the Blessington Method,

397
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:08,200
after our founder,
Mr. Ralph Blessington.

398
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:11,340
He saw the problem arising
way back in the ’60s.

399
00:20:11,370 --> 00:20:13,680
Young man, I don’t know
what you’re talking about,

400
00:20:13,710 --> 00:20:16,380
but I like your voice.

401
00:20:16,410 --> 00:20:19,050
Of course, all forms of life

402
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:22,420
grow, flower, fail and fall.

403
00:20:22,450 --> 00:20:25,050
It’s a soothing voice.

404
00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:28,420
Death is the compost of life.

405
00:20:28,460 --> 00:20:31,930
And what is more wonderful
for this spring’s flowers

406
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,060
than last year’s rotten leaves?

407
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:37,800
Death is built right
into the universe
for the enrichment of life.

408
00:20:37,830 --> 00:20:39,630
Now, what do you suppose
would happen

409
00:20:39,670 --> 00:20:40,870
if all the fish in the ocean

410
00:20:40,900 --> 00:20:43,270
suddenly had the power
not to die?

411
00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:44,640
Why, in two weeks’ time,

412
00:20:44,670 --> 00:20:46,210
the ocean would be so choked
with fish,

413
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:48,180
there wouldn’t be
enough water left.

414
00:20:48,210 --> 00:20:50,550
All fish would die.

415
00:20:50,580 --> 00:20:53,280
So when man,
in his infinite mischief,

416
00:20:53,310 --> 00:20:55,350
upsets the order of things,

417
00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:57,190
infinite mischief
is bound to result.

418
00:20:57,220 --> 00:21:01,160
Young man, I don’t quite know
what you’re saying,

419
00:21:01,190 --> 00:21:03,060
but I know I don’t like it!

420
00:21:03,060 --> 00:21:04,430
Turn me around.

421
00:21:30,450 --> 00:21:32,120
[Bunce]
Mr. Treadwell.

422
00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:35,960
It’s done.

423
00:21:35,990 --> 00:21:38,490
Death by accidental submersion.

424
00:21:38,530 --> 00:21:40,500
Oh, dear.

425
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:44,500
Now, don’t feel too badly,
Mr. Treadwell.

426
00:21:44,530 --> 00:21:45,930
It’s in the past.

427
00:21:45,970 --> 00:21:48,470
Forget about it,
you must think about the future.

428
00:21:48,500 --> 00:21:50,610
Think about your children.

429
00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:53,910
Now you can have the pleasure
of watching them grow,

430
00:21:53,940 --> 00:21:56,610
flower into full bloom.

431
00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,110
Think about your daughter.

432
00:21:58,110 --> 00:21:59,180
Someday she’ll marry.

433
00:22:01,050 --> 00:22:02,620
Yes.

434
00:22:02,650 --> 00:22:04,950
Now, can’t you picture
in your mind’s eye,

435
00:22:05,050 --> 00:22:08,120
that handsome, strong,
young son-in-law?

436
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:10,360
Can’t you just feel the warmth
of his handclasp

437
00:22:10,390 --> 00:22:12,330
as he greets you?

438
00:22:12,360 --> 00:22:14,700
Wait a minute...

439
00:22:14,730 --> 00:22:16,600
Are you trying to tell me that,

440
00:22:16,630 --> 00:22:19,500
someday,
somebody from your group,

441
00:22:19,530 --> 00:22:22,770
will come
and give my children ideas?

442
00:22:24,910 --> 00:22:27,080
Honestly, Mr. Treadwell,

443
00:22:27,110 --> 00:22:30,980
can you imagine those
affectionate, devoted youngsters

444
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,310
ever possibly doing you
the slightest harm,

445
00:22:33,350 --> 00:22:34,520
the slightest harm?

446
00:22:37,650 --> 00:22:40,090
No, I...
I guess not.

447
00:22:41,590 --> 00:22:42,790
Splendid.

448
00:22:42,820 --> 00:22:44,190
Now you hold onto that thought.

449
00:22:44,230 --> 00:22:45,960
Keep it close to you
at all times.

450
00:22:45,990 --> 00:22:47,830
Cherish it.

451
00:22:47,860 --> 00:22:50,000
It will be a great solace
to you.

452
00:22:50,100 --> 00:22:52,100
And a comfort.

453
00:22:52,100 --> 00:22:53,370
To the very end.

454
00:23:12,650 --> 00:23:17,290
The doctor told me that I could
take the cast off any time.

455
00:23:17,330 --> 00:23:20,460
But I find I receive
much better treatment

456
00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:22,460
with it on.

457
00:23:22,500 --> 00:23:25,730
As for Mr. Bunce
and Mr. Treadwell,

458
00:23:25,770 --> 00:23:28,540
even their advanced society

459
00:23:28,570 --> 00:23:31,310
frowned on their activities.

460
00:23:31,340 --> 00:23:35,280
By then, mothers-in-law
were most numerous,

461
00:23:35,310 --> 00:23:38,750
and even more powerful
than they are today.

462
00:23:38,780 --> 00:23:41,620
It’s something
to look forward to.

463
00:23:41,650 --> 00:23:44,250
Provided you’re a mother-in-law.

464
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:49,390
Now, until next time...

465
00:23:50,460 --> 00:23:51,990
goodnight.